Years ago I went to lunch with a guy in our church who was on the other side of parenting. While my kids were getting ready to start elementary school, his kids were going into college. I was a young father trying to figure out how I could be the best father to my two daughters. I knew since I was the only male in the house, the tendency would be for me to let my wife deal with the kids, and I’d drift towards work and ESPN. After all, she knew better how to deal with girls than me!
That being said, I didn’t want to be the present-yet-absent dad. I knew my girls needed a strong relationship with their dad, I just wasn’t sure how. Sure, I was playing dolls and tea parties with them now, but what about when they are older? Will they still want me involved? Will they still listen to me like they did then? How could I foster a relationship now that would still pay off when they were in high school?
I shared some of my concerns with my friend over lunch and he gave me some sage advice that had been passed on to him: establish the daddy / daughter date RIGHT NOW. I nodded along because I’d heard this before. I took each girl out for ice cream or french fries often. But he took it a step further. He said “Not just a weekly date, but an annual overnight trip where they pick the destination.”
He went on to describe how he told his daughter when she was in kindergarten that once a year they would take an overnight trip to a destination of her choice. Immediately the thought of a hotel, room service, and an extended fun date were exciting to her. Since they lived in California, her first suggestion was Disneyland. He said, “We’ve been doing that every year for the past 12 years. Now, instead of having a High School daughter trying to avoid me, I have one planning our next getaway.” This sounded like a great idea.
So, 7 years ago, my 6 year old was finishing up Kindergarten and I made her the same deal. She was excited, and immediately began planning our trip – Magic Mountain Six Flags! For us, that’s in town, but she didn’t care. Staying in a hotel didn’t have to be out of town, she just wanted the room service and the pool! So that’s what we did. And before the two days was even over, she was talking about the next one.
This yearly adventure with each of my daughters provided some great bonding time for the one who stayed at home with their mother. They will get mani-pedi’s, watch movies and have girl talk that they might not have if we were all together.
I have two daughters and I have now been on a combined 12 overnight trips with them. Some to the same location! We’ve done amusement parks, water parks and even holed up in a cabin watching all three Hobbit movies (no, it wasn’t my idea!). But each of the trips is filled with laughter, memorable moments and spontaneous conversations we would have never had if we had just gone to Starbucks in town.
Many times when we see a commercial for a place we’ve been, or drive by that location, one of my daughters will say “Hey dad, remember when we went there?” And many times during the year when school and life get in the way, it’s the conversation of “where are we going this summer?” that brings us back to what matters most—time together.