This is Part 1 of a 4-part series on why many Christians seem to be in perpetual transition between churches thinking that somewhere there’s a “perfect church” that will meet all their needs.
Usually when I get offended at McDonald’s, it’s not because of the customers.
My youngest daughter, Sidney, and I were out on our weekly daddy daughter date. She was 7 at the time and when it came to our dates, she and I had several criteria. It had to serve ice cream, it had to have a play ground, and it had to have either coffee or Diet Coke (I have my standards). So when Sidney suggested McDonald’s, I realized it met the criteria, so I agreed. I don’t really have a problem with McDonald’s. Partly because I, like 10% of the work force, was once employed by Ronald McDonald, but also because I enjoy a good Big Mac as much as the next guy. So, when she said McDonald’s for our date, I didn’t resist.
We walked into the golden arches and began to make our way to the counter. I was weighing the options of do I super-size or not, when I noticed Sidney beginning to wave to someone at a table. It was a friend from her first grade class at school. So we walked over to say hello and I introduced myself to Sidney’s friend’s mother. We made small talk about how the girls knew each other and how great the school was, and then she hit me with this nugget of encouragement:
She said, “We’ve been to your church.”
I’ve come to realize that this statement could mean several things. It could mean, we don’t normally go to church, but we came to yours last Christmas or Easter. Or it could mean, we’ve been, we liked it, and when we decide to go to church again, we’ll go to yours.
So I said, “Oh, that’s great. Thank you for coming. Love to have you again.”
This is where she said something that caught me off guard.
“We’re just still trying to find the perfect church.”
I guess I was surprised because, how could she not think that might be offensive? I’m from the Midwest… we at least veil our insults with a hint of southern charm. We would have said “We’ve been awful busy and haven’t been in a while…” or just lied and said “We love it.” How could she not think that she was basically saying to me “We’re looking for the perfect church, and yours is not it!”?
The more she talked; I could tell she had some church background. When people are fluent in words like “worship style” and “expository teaching” it’s a dead giveaway. Apparently her husband preferred something more traditional while she enjoyed more “spirited” worship.
I ended the conversation with something like “Well, good luck with that.” Then I lead Sidney away to the counter before I said anything I might regret.
As true to form for my personality, I spent the rest of the day, perhaps year, thinking about her comment.
My initial thoughts were rather shallow and a result of having my feelings hurt: What was wrong with our church? Why did they not have a great experience? Was it the teaching? (I convinced myself we must have had a guest teacher that day.)
But then my mind began to ponder the deeper issues going on here. She was making her decision of where to go to church the same way my daughter and I had made our decision on where we’d go to lunch. Though the criteria was not ice cream, a playground and Diet Coke, the basic question remains – where can I find a place that meets all my needs?
As a consumer of fast food (and iPhones, and theme parks, and cars, and shampoo, etc.) I’m hard-wired to seek out the best product for the lowest price. You know the script: It’s Apple’s job to continually wow me with newer and better features – and because I have consumer-to-product relationship with Apple – I’ll stick with them as long as they keep me interested at an affordable cost. That’s how retail consumerism works.
But what happens when I transfer this mindset to my relationship with my local church? After all, when Jesus said regarding the church “the gates of hell will not prevail against it” I doubt it had anything to do with how loud the music was or how many hymns were sung.
Honesty time: What are the top 3 non-negotiables on your church shopping list?
In the next part of this series, we’ll explore the phenomenon of “church shopping.”