There is a common phrase I hear from Christians in our culture today: “I’m church shopping.”
It happens when a family moves into a new town. They start looking online and visiting a different church every weekend. Sometimes I’ll meet new families in the lobby and I’ll ask how long they’ve been coming. They’ll reply, “Oh, this is our first time. We are new to the area and are church shopping.”
It happens when something in their current church offends a person. The music is too loud, the teaching struck a nerve or someone they serve with hurt their feelings. They begin to “shop around” assuming “If I’m not happy here, I’ll be happy somewhere else.”
It even happens when a leader no longer feels needed. Perhaps the church has grown so fast or made significant changes in leadership or direction, and they suddenly feel disenfranchised or that they’ve lost their influence. Larry Osborne states that when church staff or members feel they’ve lost power, prestige or preference, they begin to get restless. At best they church shop, but at worst they blame the church leadership and claim the church is “no longer in God’s will”.
It happens when someone thinks “I’ve heard all this before.” Familiarity can breed contempt, and in our ever-changing culture, predictability can be the kiss of death. The moment a church member gets into a rut, or services get predictable, or even the teaching may seem to be subject matter they’ve already mastered, they assume it’s time to look elsewhere. Combine that with a brand new ministry across town that is buzzing with excitement the term “church shopping” is exchanged with “God is doing something new over there–but not here.” They conclude that God’s spirit has moved from their current church and into this new work. So it’s time to move on. This can cause the most dedicated church people go shopping for a “better brand of church.”
Church leaders can become seduced by the notion of creating the perfect church experience. I was in a round table discussion with several pastors one day. We were discussing what programs and ministries we offer and should offer. The trend towards “simple Church” was all the rage and many churches, including ours, were scaling way back on options for people. The common theory was that less is more. But one fellow pastor spoke up and said, “We do it all. I want our church to offer everything under the sun so that no one has to go shopping anywhere else.” As much as I thought this was ridiculous when I heard it, I realized I’ve done the same thing.1
When I first arrived at Real Life Church, we were a 3-year-old congregation meeting in a movie theater. We had no building to offer classes, programs or even potluck suppers. We just had a rented movie theater we were able to use for four hours a weekend. Talk about less than appealing–the only thing that helped people stick was the fact that they literally stuck to the floor when they came to church! I felt an overwhelming pressure to do whatever I could to keep people from “shopping” elsewhere. I began to program events in rented facilities, launched events off campus and tried to rent the theater for additional hours. In fact, when groups of people representing the vocal minority complained enough, I even hired a staff member just to take care of them. Yet despite all my efforts to keep some people from looking elsewhere–they still took their shopping carts down the street.
Studies show that church attendance is more sporadic than in years past. In previous generations most churchgoers would say they attended 2-3 times a month; now the average is closer to once a month. Church loyalty is not what it once was, and when we decide to go, our time is at a premium–so we want to get the biggest bang for our buck, causing us to pick a place based on how many boxes are checked on our wish list.
- Entertaining, intellectually challenging, and emotionally soothing teaching.
- Worship music that uses hymns and new songs not too loud or too soft.
- Good coffee (not just Folgers) and Donuts (not just donut holes)
- Great kids programs (when my kids don’t have sports)
- Women’s studies (as long as they aren’t going through a study I’ve already done)
- Men’s fishing retreats
- A Single’s Mingle
- Vacation Bible School (to get my kids out of the house in the summer)
- All of the above
Now, I’m not saying preferences don’t matter. And I’m not saying there aren’t some deal breakers when it comes to the churches we choose to attend. But could it be that most of us, when we begin to church shop, are just looking at the wrong list?
When we use our list we often miss God’s list. Next week we’ll talk about what God has on his list when it comes to the Perfect Church!
1 Innovation’s Dirty Little Secret, Larry Osborne p. 137