Just spent a week in the hospital with my daughter.
What was supposed to be a two to three day stay turned into seven days, and what I noticed is that some strange things happen in these crisis moments.
You feel alone.
Like no one understands or can relate. You think about how unique your situation is and how no one else has been in this. Even when people say, “Been there,” or, “I understand,” you think, “there’s no way, this is different”. After all, no one knows MY kid the way I do. No one responds to treatment and pain and isolation like she does. How could anyone know what we are going through? Maybe you’ve been there. Alone.
You feel together.
Even though you feel isolated and locked up in a room, you crave connection. You need to know others are praying for you, thinking of you, reaching out to you. As a pastor, I spend most of my time trying to be there for others. But in this situation, I took great joy in knowing others were there for us. Suddenly text messages and Facebook comments asking how she’s doing or telling me they are praying for her were incredibly meaningful. I even felt a connection with the hospital staff. The nurses and doctors became like camp friends. Those who I may not see again, but for whom I would be forever grateful. Maybe you long to be there–together.
What is it that makes us move from alone to together? After all, most of us feel alone every day. Driving to a job where people know a shell of you, but not the real you. Sitting at home with a family who knows you today but not years ago. And loneliness becomes a self-isolated prison; locked from the inside. Even though there are others who can relate, and can even help, why do we stay stuck “alone” and not move to “together”?
It was a crisis that made us move out of isolation into community. Maybe that can work for you too.
Instead of waiting for a hospital stay or a major catastrophe, perhaps we should simply let the crisis of isolation be enough. The crisis of trying to raise kids be enough. Or the crisis of trying to stay married be enough. How about we recognize that life is crisis enough? Faith is crisis enough. Family is treacherous enough. Let’s feel alone together.
This is how I feel a lot of the time. I look on Facebook and I have a thousand friends, but I don’t really have a thousand friends because I don’t feel like I can just call any one of them and hang out. I see people on Facebook & Instagram, hanging out all the time with each other and I wonder, “how do they get all those friends?” most of the time I am home alone. I just wish I had one great friend that would do everything with me.
Kelli! I’ll be your one GREAT friend :). I too, feel alone all of the time. FB is not a true definition of anything. It doesn’t represent your friends, your popularity, your acceptance by others, or the ability for anyone to step up and be that one GREAT friend. In fact, I stopped visiting FB last November and it was the best thing for my mental health. I suffer alone all of the time. There wasn’t one single person on FB I could reach out to. Not even in our small “Better Together” group.
You are not alone in how you feel. We should hook up and chat more. :).
Hey Kelli, I hear what you are saying! I was thinking some of the same things about Facebook! I have moved a lot; and a cycle repeats—making close friends and then moving away. Moving to Santa Clarita has been a really tough adjustment! For me, I’ve made friends through activities where there is a nurturing and mentoring atmosphere, such as yoga and Toastmasters (to improve my public speaking). But most important, the friends I have made through my women’s Rooted group and through my Lifegroup have made ALL the difference. What a lovely mix of socializing, sharing life and creating community while deepening my faith. I encourage you to join a Rooted group. This shared experience deepens your faith; new acquaintances become close friends. I will pray for you. ❤️
Hey kellie coffee at church at 10 am fridays i am free . You can hang with me. Im a little guffy . We can start with that if you want. Sometimes we feel alone, but that’s when Christ is there saying “i am here .. we cant fall in the pit because satan takes charge in how you should feel.. email sweetsweetjazzy yahoo
You are not alone Kelli!
It is tough being in the hospital with your child/children no matter who you are or what your profession is. So many emotions and feelings overcome you, physically, mentally, & emotionally. It is a strange saying; alone together, but that is exactly what happens and the thoughts that race through us in those situations. God Bless the medical team who go to work everyday with a smile and explain what they are doing to reassure us. The power of prayer should not be underestimated. When people are praying for us in these situations, it brings a peace and comfort into an otherwise unsettling time.
P.S. My daughter had her spleen removed at 18 years of age and that was 11 years ago. She is doing great! I pray the same results for your daughter.
Thank you so much for writing this!!! You continue to be an encouragement in my life. I am forever grateful.
A wonderful, thought provoking, mind bending issue.
I often think that for my Memorial Service there may not be many people there, but in heaven strangers who I encouraged along the way will be cheering me on as I pass through the pearly gates.
Friends may not be able to relate to what I am going through now, but if they are praying me through it, that’s enough.
It is interesting to know that I am not the only one that feels this way. I wonder sometimes what is wrong with me? What is it about me that drives people away. Pastor Rusty says life wast meant to be done alone and how as kids we don’t care what we’re doing or where we’re going, but what’s important is who is coming..so how do we do alone together and how do we fix it.