Leading a church, ministry, organization or even a family has its share of challenges. Casting vision, setting strategy, cultivating values and culture; these are the exciting responsibilities of leadership. In every leader’s fantasy-land, their work on these high-level matters is received with inspiration and delight by everyone in the organization. And, as every leader knows, those fantasies come to an abrupt end in the real world of people’s feedback and opinions. Some people are appreciative of your work, other people’s responses can go from beyond difficult to downright nasty.
On any given Monday morning, I can open my inbox to find one email that tells me how the service yesterday changed their life and they now have a relationship with Jesus. Then the next email tells me that yesterday’s service was the most offensive, shallow and heretical experience they’ve ever suffered through.
Here’s the struggle: you know you can’t please everyone, BUT—if you never listen to people, you cease to be in touch. How do you know who to listen to?
In some ways it’s like the radio in your car. I have satellite radio in my car, and it is awesome. It may be one of the greatest inventions of all time. 1,000 stations to choose from! The problem I have is… which one should I listen to? And then about the time I get a station I enjoy, my kids get in the car and change it! (Apparently, the Tom Petty station doesn’t skew well with pre-teens!).
I have found when it comes to leading–there are a few channels I should avoid:
The Devils.
Author Sam Chand says in his phenomenal book Leadership Pain, that regardless of the size of your ministry, 10 percent of your people are “devils”. They dislike you, disagree with your methods and work to discredit you to others.
Recently I had a conversation with another pastor about the difficulties of ministry. We were lamenting families that had left our respective churches dissatisfied. I asked him, “Why is it that when one person leaves, it seems that everyone is unhappy?” He said, “Negative voices are always around, we just don’t always hear them. But when one negative person gets your attention, it has a way of tuning you in to all the others.”
There will always be people that disagree with you. And some do so adamantly. But I’ve learned the hard way that if I lead with this station on–I’ll not only be off mission, but I’ll discover in the end I could never make them happy anyway.
The Raving Fans.
I love the compliments as much as the next guy. And I tend to want to gravitate to people who only agree with me and tell me how great I’m doing. This is thrilling for all of us.
I received this advice years ago that I’ve found to be true: Beware of those who idolize you, because odds are one day they will demonize you. I’ve found this to be true. I have known people who thought I could do no wrong. But, the moment they got close enough to discover I was human too, when they got close enough to me to see some of my flaws, then in their minds I became a tremendous disappointment. They quickly became devils.
The other downside to listening to the raving fan station is that it can lead you to develop an unhealthy confidence in your own ability. Otherwise known as EGO! (and no, that’s not a waffle).
I’ve learned the hard way that when I lead with this station on I live in a false reality.
The “Others”
Watch social media enough and you’ll quickly begin to believe that other people’s lives are way better than yours!. They are smarter, better looking and more successful than you’ll ever be. As Pastor Steven Furtick says, “social media causes us to compare our blooper reel to others highlight reel.”
This is especially true when it comes to people in your profession. I get caught up in looking at other pastors and comparing their ministry, success, notoriety and wisdom with my own and quickly feel like I should resign.
When I listen to this station I stop leading with the gifts I’ve been given, and try to lead with the gifts God has given someone else.
The Scan Button
To be honest, much of my life is spent flipping the channel between these three stations. I start with the raving fans, then when they become devils I try to fix them, then when I can’t, I look and see what others are doing–and so on. This becomes a vortex of doom for me. And I doubt I’m alone.
The good news is that there are some healthy stations we should all have as presets. Next week, I’ll share the three stations I’m trying to listen to–besides Tom Petty of course!