Got your attention? Don’t we all have someone in mind right now? I know I do.
Maybe you have a coworker who makes the job so difficult. If you could just fix one thing about them–it would make going to the office so much more enjoyable.
Maybe you have a friend who keeps making the same relationship mistakes over and over again. You think if I could just fix your decision making–you’d be so much more successful.
Maybe you have a mother-in-law that drives you crazy. If you could only fix that ONE thing about her–it would make things so much easier. (Well, maybe more than one.)
Here’s the sad reality, most of us have realized we can’t fix anyone. I have a friend who likes to remind me “You can’t control anything outside of your own skin”, and sometimes that’s even difficult. But that being said, there is a way to influence people, which can lead them to fix themselves.
I’ve discovered the best way to fix people is to stop trying to fix, but instead, add value.
Fixing says “You are wrong, I’m right. Let me make you like me.”
Adding value says “Let me help your life be better.”
Fixing presumes a lifetime change.
Adding value provides for a short time impact.
Fixing is based on their cooperation.
Adding value is based on your willingness.
For instance, when you see a person in need on the side of the road, we tend to think, “I can’t help them” because we can’t fix their situation. But if we instead decide to add value by having a conversation, listening to their story, buying them a meal or even just giving them a dollar, we add value to their life even if we can’t fix it.
The same is true with our relationships–we can’t fix them, so we tend to avoid them. What if, instead of blaming or hating the people in our relationships, we give them time, listen to their story, make them a meal, brought them coffee or found a way to encourage them. It may not be a lifelong change, it may not last forever, but it will add value for a short time.
And who knows, the value we add might be just enough for them to fix themselves.