Recently at our church, we had to walk through the unexpected and unexplainable suicide of one of our Pastors at our church.
He was a friend, a husband, a son, a brother, and a leader in our church. He left behind a wake of disillusionment, confusion, sadness, questions, and even anger.
Suicide has a way of doing that. We wonder why? What could I have done? How could I have stopped it? Why didn’t I know?
Many of those questions we dealt with in a weekend message.
But the one question I did not feel I should try to answer in that message was this question: Is suicide the “unpardonable” sin? Is it unforgivable? And I think we’ve all asked that before. Many of us know of friends and family who have made that choice and we are wondering their eternal destiny.
I chose not to answer it in the context of a weekend message for fear that some may hear it as “permission.” But based on the number of questions I heard after the message I feel this topic needs to be addressed. Not for the sake of those looking for a way out, but for the sake of those wondering about a friend they have lost. So with the input of Pastor Mike Breaux, here goes… and I would encourage you to share this with others, but with caution. I hope this lifts a burden, not offers a solution.
Many of us seem to have tucked in the back of our memory the idea that suicide is the unpardonable sin.
This belief that suicide actually grew out of the teachings of a man named Augustine centuries ago who taught that all people who commit suicide are eternally lost. Now while that may be a great deterrent, that’s not my understanding of the Bible.
There are many of my confused, heart-sick, friends that lost hope, that I fully expect to see in heaven and I’m looking forward to seeing them.
Bottom line is this: Jesus died for our sin…ALL SIN.
Now, I certainly don’t want to soft-pedal this in the least, because I understand and believe that suicide is a serious sin for a number of reasons.
For one…God makes it very clear… “You shall not murder.” Murder is the taking of human life. And you can break that commandment by murdering yourself just as you can by murdering another person.
I also believe it’s a sin because it’s probably the most extreme expression of ingratitude to God. God has given us what no one else can give us–the gift of life. And when a person takes their life they’re are destroying this incredible gift.
I believe it’s a sin because it’s an expression of self-hatred and the Bible says we should “love our neighbors as we love OURSELVES.” Not in an arrogant, self-centered way…but you ought to love yourself because God loves you. God loves you so much and values you so much, that He gave His only son, Jesus Christ, for you. So we are to love ourselves–but when a person takes their own life they’re expressing self-hatred.
I think suicide is a sin because it can leave a bunch of people behind that have to deal with unexpected grief and trauma…the kind you were trying to escape. And based on what I’m walking through right now, it is devastating. I think suicide is a sin because you’re playing God. The Bible says God gives life and takes it away. But when I take life into my own hands, I’m playing God and that’s a job description I am unqualified to fulfill.
So it seems to me, for these and a number of other reasons, we would have to say that, Biblically, clearly suicide is a sin. And like all sin, it breaks God’s heart, WHY? Because it hurts his children.
But that’s doesn’t make this unpardonable or the unforgivable sin.
Friends, there is not a person of conscience reading this blog who has ever committed an unpardonable sin.
Titus 3:4-5(NIV) But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy.
Romans 3:22(NLT) We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And this is true for EVERYONE who believes, no matter who we are.
We’re saved NOT by our goodness, we’re saved NOT by our lack of sin, but because of His mercy. We are saved because Jesus took every one of our sins, past, present, and future to a blood-stained cross.
And for a believer who has received that grace, even though they’ve gotten confused, sick, depressed, or hopeless and committed the sin of suicide, I don’t know how any of us can say they’ve committed an unpardonable sin. You see, we’re not saved by our faithfulness, but by the Lord’s faithfulness. Suicide is a sin, but because of a blood-stained cross and empty tomb, it’s NOT an unpardonable sin.
And I believe that a suicide victim who sincerely made the decision in their lifetime to accept Christ as their forgiver and Lord before their death will find their way to the arms of God by the same amazing grace we all need to get there. And all though they may have temporarily lost sight of it on this side…they will discover that HOPE that will not disappoint.
Whether you have thought about, or know someone who has thought about suicide, please click here for resources to help.
I’m very glad you chose to write about this. I had a talk with one of the pastors last week about the same topic and it’s been a topic of discussion for many, as of late.
Thank you. I had to put my 15 yr. old daughter into the hospital for a hold because she wanted to commit suicide. Two days later, I heard about Pastor Jim. My fear for my child would be that is never see her again. NEVER! I know we’ll all be together in heaven but was afraid she wouldn’t be there. So thank you. She’s getting the help she needs.
Lisa, I will be praying for your daughter. This is close to my heart.
Lisa I praying for you daughter. I know from being a young survivor of attempted suicide I would have known all I do at 51. Like anything else once you experience these feelings they are with you all your life. The fear of feeling that way is real and need to have strength in the lord and yourself for a lifetime. I am glad to hear she is receiving the help she needs. Be strong and know that these are her feelings and you can’t take them away, but just love and listen to her. Prayers up for recovery and a long life with your daughter.
Thank you for addressing this issue. My daughter had a friend (15 years old) who ended his life battling with depression. She will be comforted reading this.
My brother’s pastor in Chino also recently committed suicide in his church office. What pressures are our pastors experiencing that they don’t feel they can reach out for help? Delegate responsibilities? Trust those around them enough to share their pain? Are we putting them on such a pedestal that they are ashamed to ask for help? Our pastors are humans, imperfect as God has made us all. Please let the congregation know how they can relieve some of the overwhelming burdens these devoted people have taken on?
Leslie, that is the EXACT same question I have been asking… what is it we are missing about the pastors, leaders that are breaking slowly and how can we better support them….? My heart breaks so much over these deaths – including the youth that are walking this path as well.
Thank you! Beautifully written and helped me put aside some of my questions.
I can’t thank you enough for addressing this topic from a Biblical perspective . It helped me so much to hear it explained from the understanding of God-loving men of faith who I have the utmost respect for.
Well said Rusty, and most enlightening. This question did cross my mind. I’m glad you addressed it and understand why you wouldn’t do so in a more public forum Prayers to all of our real life family and Jim’s family who have been impacted by this tragic l prayers to all of our real life family and Jim’s family who have been impacted by this tragic life loss. Thanks for holding the real life aspect of real life Church. Best always, Suzanne
Rusty thank you for that explanation. I know our son who identifies as Gay struggled with feelings of despair and at one time contemplated suicide, but thankfully his Young Life leader was there when he called out for help. Now it has been hard for Pat to reconcile the scriptures that speak of homosexuality as a sin that is “unpardonable” or at least “no one that practices can enter the kingdom of Heaven”. It has driven a deep wedge between our son and God since the church he was attending in LA at the item would not allow him to participate in missions trip for not renouncing the same issue. I have come to reconcile that the sin is no more repugnant to God than any other sexual sin, mine or anyone else’s and unfortunately in trying to express to him that it was the same I used the wording he used, of God Made Me this Way, to challenge him that people that are predators of children and other behaviors he would not condone, use that same argument. But that Free Will is always something we have to accept responsibility for, even if we decide to continue in the practice, knowing that it is not in God’s plan, but that He still Loves us. It is a tough one for sure, but again reading this note helps me feel as though God’s Grace is more than sufficient and hopefully our son will eventually come to recognize that his mother and I in our weakness and lack of understanding should not block his relationship with a God that sees all, knows all and has covered it all.
This is an excellent explanation of the matter. We had a couple come to the prayer lobby with this question and answered them in like manner if not as fully.
Thank you so much for this. <3 I've always heard differently, but also instinctively believed what you've said above. Thank you for reminding us that we follow the God of Love.
Thank you so much for this very clear answer on how God views suicide. I have grown up in the church with a Dad as a pastor (yep PK) I have always be of the belief that once you commit your life to Jesus and ask him into your heart , you FOREVER belong to him! Nothing we can do (even suicide) can separate us from God. ** As you said not so it gives us free reign to do what we want but as an assurance .
I don’t attend your church. I have visited. I don’t live close and that is why. However, first I am so sorry for what all of you are going through.
This is a really good, feeling, analysis of what God may feel about suicide. I would agree after reading this. May God give your congregation and his family comfort and peace.
I choose not to pass judgement on anyone about whether or not they will make it to heaven. I defer to the judgement of the Almighty who knows all things, see all things, and understands all things. Who am I to assign a status to someone who is a servant of our Glorious Lord Jesus Christ.
It seems like we are quick to pass judgement on people to get closure on our anger, disappointments, or betrayal. Jesus said Judge not least you be Judged.
Three weeks ago I had a client who came in and told me her husband shot himself while she was visiting family in Israel. He did not leave a note or any indication that he was going to do this. The trauma to his wife and family was devastated and left them with so many questions. My focus was to remove any guilt or blame from them and to get them to focus on encouraging each other to be able to pass through this trial.
God bless you Rusty. Your Sunday message must of been one of the most difficult one to prepare and deliver. Thank you always for being there and providing God’s word and guidance.
I agree and thank you for posting this and clearing up a lot of questions we all have. I want to suggest a special offering for Ms Howard on a given Sunday. I feel this might help her a lot.
Thank you for this
Between this and the 1/27 message you gave, runs the gamut of my thoughts after I heard of Pastor Jim’s passing, the following Monday. (I just watched the message this morning) You have hit all the points with the power of God’s Word in a tender but unflinching way. Adding Mike Breaux’ message yesterday, including the worship from the team, and it is clear to me that the Holy Spirit is covering us in His comfort and Truth, and even refining this leadership through painful trial. I am grateful for you all.
This has definitely been an issue I have struggled with since Jim’s passing. I didn’t know him well enough to have wondered what I could have done to help him but this issue has caused me many hours of tears of fear for him. Thank you for helping me understand better where his eternity will be.
Rusty,
Am praying for you and your people. So sorry this happened to a much gifted, much loved brother. Sorry for the load you are now having to carry. I know you will learn on our Father and he will provide strength. I love you brother and wish there was something I could do to ease the pain. I will continue to pray.
First Rusty I’m very sorry for you lost. Thank you for this as I have had several people I know that have taken their life. I wish I knew and could have stopped them. But this is a personal choice that no one sees coming. The pain they feel is so deep and never shared with anyone.
This was very helpful and I need to share this.
Thank you Rusty for addressing a very difficult topic. Your insight on the scripture is highly valued. Jim’s death was hard on the church family are RLC and I appreciate how candid and open the staff has been during the services. I am sure it has been very difficult for all of you.
I had wonder what would happened to a man that committed him self to Christ and to help others .
I had hope for an answer like the one you just gave me .
I didn’t know him personally but the last time I saw him he came into the room to say hi to the 3 year olds where I was volunteering and he was happy so I’ll always remember him that way.
Thank you for talking about this with the RLC family.
JIM WILL BE MISSED AND LOVED, BY ALL WHO WORKED NEAR HIM, IN AREA OF THE YOUTH. THANKS RUSTY FOR THE INSIGHT
The message you gave at church after this horrible lost was so meaningful. The message you sent today gave answers to so many questions. Even in the most difficult situations. you provided us clarity. As hard as this must be on you and your fabulous staff, thank you for thinking of our needs over yours.
Thank you
Thank you for this beautiful, well written message. I understand and agree with your sentiment 100%. Unfortunately sometimes the pain of life is just too excruciating for some of us. I have been told suicide is “a selfish act”, but I really don’t know that is an accurate statement. I believe suicide as the very last resort for someone who BELIEVES they’ve tried everything else…….. but the pain is just too great…..
Rusty,
Thank you so much. I had to field this question this week with a family member. I also believe that God knows our past, present and future sins and he has forgiven all of them. Certainly that is not permission to sin but acknowledgment of the grace we live in with Christ as our savior.
I am so proud of the way you were led to handle this delecate message and of the church’s response to the tragedy we have just been through.
May God continue to lead you and bless you with more insightfull teachings. You have been led by HIM!
Thank you Pastor Rusty for this message. I have to say that since Jim‘s death it has weighed heavily on my mind. The only adjective I believe you left out was selfish. Suicide is the most selfish act a person can commit. Sadly, Jim‘s family especially his children ,will live their lives thinking somehow it was their fault. That’s a large burden to carry for a child.It obviously had nothing to do with them ,but the act of suicide is such a selfish act. it’s a permanent solution to a temporary situation. I’m sad that Jim didn’t see it that way and he felt that his death would somehow make the pain go away. It doesn’t as we all know. It just creates more for those left behind
Rusty, you and Mike always speak so eloquently and clearly about hard topics and I’m so grateful for it. I always am blessed in some way by your blog posts, and this was no different except that it answered a very long time question I often asked, especially when my own thoughts were dark and my own heart was done with this life. Although, I am no longer in that state of mind there is so much peace in knowing that our salvation is never robbed of us, nor can our worst choices bring us complete and eternal separation from our Savior. Thank you for being real and authentic here.
Thank you Rusty. I had that specific question for you after the service and I could not contain my tears. My godfather committed suicide many years ago. It has always been a difficult thing for me thinking that it was Unforgivable. It pained me to think that we would never see each other again. He was a lovely man. He was suffering from clinical depression and PTSD and took his own life as my godmother was dying from cancer in the mid 70’s. Ironically my godmother lived for another 20 years as she recovered from a terminal diagnosis. He couldn’t wait for the miracle and his faith was not strong enough. I struggled with the same thoughts when my marriage failed but through CR, church and other fellowship that darkness has passed. I am verry happy to know that Jim and my godfather Frank are going to be there when I join them some day in the future. Thank you for taking the opportunity to address this delicate issue. I love all of you at Real Life church. You save lives every day. ❤??
I appreciate you for addressing this, Mike and Rusty. To acknowledge that even the leaders in our church struggle with such things as this is a reminder that we ALL can suffer with such deep seeded pain and hopelessness. God’s grace is with each of us, in every struggle. We can never know for certain what’s going through the minds of people when they make this hurtful choice, but I would like to believe Christians who have done so, did it with faith that God loved them enough to forgive even this.
Rusty, thank you for sharing your article on suicide. I thought it was very well said. Very touching and quite emotional. I enjoy your teachings very much. I will pray that Our Lord will continue to bless you and your ministry. Gloria Bustos
Well written Rusty. Appreciate you and your words.
wow! this could not have been easy to write. thank you for your time and your heart in this complicated situation.
If you feel someone is at risk of suicide they PROBABLY are. Please reach out if only to let them know that someone noticed, that they matter and that their loss will affect negatively many people they did not consider. THANK YOU to the staff at Real Life for addressing the issue head-on and providing resources to folks at risk.
Thank you, Rusty.
I sit every Sunday at 830 and learn something and am greatly comforted by your words and lessons. I pray for peace for you and the RLC family as the loss of this wonderful man is processed. Thank you for this amazing message.
Rusty,
Thank you for addressing this issue. I, too, have known a few young people who have sadly made that choice. The question of their fate has always stayed with me. In addition to what you said, I think it is fair to point out that someone who makes that choice must be in such a desperately dark place, can they even be held responsible? Not to let them off the hook, but in such a mental state, are they really of sound mind? I’m just glad I’m not their judge.
Denise
Great response and thanks for sharing! Praying for you, your family and church family!
Dear Pastor Rusty,
WOW! You just wrote/answered all of the questions that we’re tormenting my brain. You are so amazing. Thank you for putting this all from a biblical perspective. Very powerful. I will pass this on to those in my family and friends who are still strugfling with this question. God bless you.
Thank you so much.
Thank you for answering the hidden question. Pastor Jim helped me and my little family when we were homeless. He gave us hope especially my daughter. During that time we were so lost and he helped my daughter see that suicide was not an option. Our hearts go out to his family and of course our church family, but to Jim especially. We came to view him as our best friend. We have left California and are back in KCMO. BUT, we are still connected to the church and Jim is very much missed in our lives. We miss you Jim and may God have you in his hands. May you now be at peace.
Thank you! This was very helpful.
Thanks Rusty. I was shocked to read what happened. I’d only met Jim once on a retreat. Super nice guy. As many others have posted here, your wise words are spot on and helpful. I was taught it was unforgivable and I like your reasoning.
After many years of being a bullying victim, I considered suicide as a teen as a way to “get back” and “show them what they did to me.”
But my faith in God prevented me from ever taking any steps towards hurting myself. Didn’t want to anger God….
Reading your note reminds me that we all hurt God when we sin, but that having Faith and reaching out for help is the answer. Thanks again!