I was having coffee with a friend recently and we began to discuss how to know who to “let in” to our inner circle (who should we be friends with verses just acquaintances).  This conversation reminded me of a book I read a few years ago by Henry Cloud and John Townsend called Safe People.  A great read.

In this book, they discuss three types of people: red light, yellow light and green light people.  Red light people are obviously are NOT safe.  Danger!  Watch out.  They lie to you, steal from you, manipulate you, and are not good for you.  Yellow light people are those that should inspire caution from you.  They may not willingly be out to harm you, but they can drain the life from you.  Green light people are the ones we can trust. They add value to our lives, they support us and encourage us.  These are the people we want in our lives.

Here’s the one thing I have learned that I’ll share this week: If we only have green people in our lives, we’ll become yellow, and maybe even red.

If we only have green people in our lives, we ourselves will become yellow, and maybe even red.

Here’s what I mean.  If we are obsessing on only finding “green light people” we will leave a trail of relationships around us that didn’t meet our needs.  We’ll become self consumed seeing every potential relationship as “what can you do for me?”  “Are you a person I can share my darkest secrets with?”  “Are you a person who will add value to my life?”  Slowly we have become at best a yellow light person… and over time, we’ll be on someone’s red light person list. 

Jesus said… “Do to others as you would have them do to you”, and “Love others the way I have loved you.”

Jesus said… “Do to others as you would have them do to you”, and “Love others the way I have loved you.”

Jesus had some red light, yellow light and green light people in his life.  Judas was a red light… but was allowed to stay.  Peter was a yellow light… good at times and a hot mess at others.  John was a green light.  The one Jesus entrusted his mother to while on the cross. 

Here’s my suggestion:  Pursue Greens.  Find them, trust them, be real with them.  But don’t stop there. 

Bless Yellows.  If you have some yellows in your life, make a point to encourage them, take them to lunch once in awhile, listen to them.  You may have no idea what is making them be so needy or fragile at this time. Maintain some boundaries, but keep some yellows. 

Pray for Reds.  While being in close proximity to some reds may not be in your best interest, praying for them on a daily or weekly basis is always good for them… and for you.  It reminds you that your preferences are not the center of the universe. And that Jesus died for them too.

A balance of these three will help all of us not just find safe people… but be safe people as well.

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