If you’ve been part of Real Life Church, or read my book When You, Then God, then you know I’m a person who lives with anxiety.
Like millions of people, I can obsess over the “what if’s”, major in the minors and fear the worst in all situations. Part of it is just biology – I come from a long line of worriers. And part of it is just my brokenness.
Yes, I pray about it – yes, I hand it over to God – yes, I cast my fears on him, but I also understand that until I reach heaven, I will have a gravitational pull towards worry. It’s just my part of dealing with “the fall” of humanity. That’s why when I say, “lives with anxiety”, I know I have to find ways to manage my anxiety.
I’ve read books, talked to fellow strugglers, met with counselors and doctors, and there are 3 things that I’ve discovered that help me manage it. And I pray they help you as well.
1. Make friends with your monsters.
Most of us grew up with a fear of what’s under the bed or what might be lurking in the closet. I credit the movie Poltergeist with creating my need to look under the bed every night. But there was something calming about looking under the bed because then I knew what was there. Of course, there was nothing under the bed, but I’ve discovered now that I’m older, there certain monsters that lurk in my head. I wrestle with some monsters like failure, future and insignificance. But just like under the bed, it’s the unknown that fuels the fear. Even though they scare me, the quicker I can name my monsters, the easier they are to make quiet.
2. Manage expectations.
I heard recently that when you are trying to do more or accomplish more – we have to quantify it – because more is infinite. There will always be a possibility of more. So if I make my goals manageable, reachable and still a stretch, I at least know when I’ve arrived – I put a ceiling on my expectations. If I need to write ten emails before I leave for the day, its more manageable than I need to answer every email.
3. Refuel.
Sometimes when I relax – I feel guilty. So I try to multi-task. I read a leadership book while watching TV with my wife. I listen to a podcast in the minivan with the family. I write messages during my time with God. I don’t know about you, but I’m awful at multi-tasking. Instead of doing one thing well I do two things poorly. So I’ve decided to put the same dedication to my rest and refueling as I put towards my work. I talk more about time with God in this video.
You and I may never be free of our fears, but we can make more space to find and trust the one who walks with us through our fears.